sorry 4 waxing poetic abt this bs lmao ^^'

 i kind of feel like i only exist within this site. like im just a bunch of words written up by somebody else. or computer code. i don't know why i feel this way. i still technically have a presence in this world. i go to school i (rarely) talk to my friend... i don't know man. it's like something's been clouding my brain as of late. or maybe it's always been there. i've been noticing my eyes look a bit purple...... i dunno why. 

i've been pushing a bit away from my friend as of late. i love her and care about her and all that but i feel like we're just burdens to one another. i'm a burden on her, she doesn't deserve my bullshit, and she's a burden on me, she's stopping me from what i was... i don't know dude but it feels like... i was born for the sites? maybe i'm going crazy. that's what happens when you spend your days holed up in your room in front of a screen ig. i just can't handle anywhere outside school. i can't help but notice that something is watching me yknow? sigh. im tired..... i kind of regret dropping out of the play.

i think someone's out to get me

so at school today something was just. off. i can't tell what, but i couldn't shake off the feeling that i was being... watched. there's been a lot of strange shit as of late tbh. my classmates have been looking at me weird lately and my head's been killing me. i swear in crowds i can see strange figures looking DIRECTLY at me. did i uncover something??? what's going on????????? i've been having the dreams again too. it's always the same shit, gore, violence, bloodshed. it's like something is fucking with me. i don't get it man. i don't think of myself as an interesting person, yknow? i started this blog just to fill the fucking time, which says a lot about my personality i feel. is someone watching me through the computer screen? are you watching me? hello?

god my head's killing me. i don't even know who i'm looking at in the mirror half the time. i'm deteriorating. i'm like that bitch in the yellow wallpaper. i need to sleep.

my fuckibg heaaaddddddd....

oh my god it's so late. its like 5 holy shit. my brain's been so scrambled as of late honestly, i keep finding these long stretches of time that i just can't remember. i could be at my computer going through emails and i then black out and it's the next day and i'm staring at an image i have saved on my computer of blinky. ave's seems to be really concerned about me too, she keeps trying to call me, but i keep sending her to voicemail.... i don't deserve her and her help honestly, i'm too pathetic for that.

she really deserves someone else, doesn't she? i love her so much, and she's so much more worthy of someone else. why me? why did she choose me of all people to be her friend or whatever? look at me! all i'm useful for is this site. isgh. im tired. im gonna sleep