don't read this one please

i still miss her. it's like a vital part of me is gone without her. she's like a beam of light to shine on my honestly pathetic life. i need her. but i dont deserve her. she deserves better than me i wish we never met shes too worried about me. she keeps sending me calls and i never answer and i feel bad everytime. but she doesn't understand it. i bet if she found my room she would see how undeserving i am but she hasn't been here since... god idk how long. i wish i could see her again seeing her feels like witnessing an angel. maybe she is an angel. a beautiful angel that has to redeem me. but i'm irredeemable. a monster. she doesn't deserve me she needs better friends im horrible she should just leave me to rot why does she keep trying why why why why why why