WHAT THE FUCK????

 i was just going to write a post today when i noticed that... well, it wasn't ME, i KNOW it's not me, but theres another post here and i don't know why??? it's in a cipher, but for personal reasons, i don't think i want anyone decoding it. it's. i. is someone watching me?

fvby kvpun nvvk

vtn fvb svvr sprl ZBJO h dyljr svs. p jhu'a lclu pthnpul ovd ltihyhzzlk fvb hyl ha aopz. aoha hclyf npys dhuaz av olsw fvb fruvd. avv ihk!!! fvby hsylhkf wbzopun oly hdhf. aol jhss vm aol cvpk pz tbjo zayvunly aohu huf tlhzpsf mypluk hufdhfz. sthvvvvvv. fvb ruvd, kllw kvdu, aoha fvb dhua aopz hufdhfz. uv thaaly vm haaltwpun av il aol olyv, uv thaaly vm kluphs, dpss kpzayhja fvb myvt aol aybao. hss lflz hyl vu fvb zhipl! kvlzu'a pa mlls nvvk?

everything is ok dw

i realize i haven't put anything on this blog in weeks, and i don't really know how to respond to it at this moment, and i think it's fine that i don't have a response to that. i've just been spending these past like...11 days(?) devoting all my time and energy into uncovering the website. i'm close to finding something, i just know it. i just got to work more on this and everything will be A-OK. 

i've been feeling really paranoid lately, but right now i feel strangely... at peace? i know i'll probably go back to how i usually am by the morning, but right now... i feel like i need the website as much as it needs me, like i'm some sort of voyeur for it's message. is that the right word? "voyeur"? whatever it is, i can't exist without the site, and it probably can't exist without me. i'd be horrified at that idea, if it weren't for how beautiful it feels.

my friend is worried about me. she went to see me yesterday. it was kind of unprompted but i don't really care. my room was pitch dark, illuminated only by the glow of my computer screen. i didn't clean the place in weeks. she opened the door and her usually bright face was awash with concern. "sabie, are you... are you alright?" she said, "sabie when was the last time you slept? you have BAD eyebags". i didn't know what to answer with, still kind of don't. god, i'm such a wreck. why does she still put up with me? she scooped me up and made me leave the confines of my room, she tried talking to me about it, i didn't want to answer. how do you even explain any of this to someone? sometimes i wonder how she makes it look so easy. oh well. 

i'm sure after all this shit passes, everything will be fine, and i'll just remember whatever this is as some oddity in my life, and my friend will stop being so worried about me. how do you end one of these things?

i've been surfing the web a lot lately

it's kinda the only way i can resolve my boredom lol. my family doesn't travel much so i'm just stuck in my room the entire time, which is as boring as it sounds. it's honestly mindless tbh, i just keep clicking and sometimes look at the website further if it strikes my fancy. and within all that clicking i swear i saw something. i can't tell what though cause i mindlessly clicked again. i don't think i care though. it's just another website within the cacophonous noise that is the world wide web. god damnit polaroid is rubbing on me. i think she told me about a tumblr blog she's going to make as a "social experiment" or some shit? pretentious ass. she once quoted fucking aristotle while we were talking about HoL. missed the whole point of the fucking book. loser. anyways yeah that website! i swear i saw the eyes on that same site. probably nothing but. it's fucking weird.

i forgot to post for 4 days straight

no excuse here lol. i've been spending the past few days really just silently listening to music, posting online, and searching. dead ends after dead fucking ends. if i didn't know better i'd be sure the games didn't exist lmao. i don't really know how to describe it... i guess scatterbrained? but with a ever encroaching sense of paranoia. a feeling that the screen's distracting me, and around the corner, something is watching me, every time i listen to music on these shitty headphones i swear i hear noises coming from outside the song or whatever. i hate nights like these man. i just heard a firework go off. god, i know it was just 4th of july, but they've been doing this since this fucking morning man. like, come on. 

... i swear when the screen gets dark i can see hundreds of eyes on the wall, just... watching me. i'm no better than those losers lying for attention huh? well... i guess it's just that i'm fucking crazy instead. i have to be. i have to be.