god's watching me

He's watching me and He's laughing. i've been stumbling this entire time but i can tell i'm good entertainment for Him. my friend and i were chatting today. she's been asking too many questions. and i'd answer all of them but honestly i know as little as she does. i can feel the eyes on me are getting bored. i have to provide good entertainment i have to i have to i have to

shitty poems

 so i had to write a poem for english. uh. here it is. it's kinda scuffed but idc.

AHEM

this is called "sweet dreams of cherries and pomegranates "

a sweet dream of cherries and pomegranates has been invading your mind

no matter how hard you try the clock never goes past nine 

in this world of paradise and matrimony

the only thing to save you is the harsh reality of the blade

ok that sucked ass tbh but i got a passing grade soooooo

i made a guestbook! wooo

 nothing much happened today, just school which is. school. my friend dragged me outside again, which i guess is nice, but is honestly kinda hampering what i'm trying to do and shit. it's only a couple of us, y'know? speaking of, i've set up a guestbook! i've been feeling like nobody's been reading these, and that with the rut i've been in with the search gives me ample reason to make a guestbook, i guess. 

i just realized i was in the hospital a lot as a kid

 my  teacher asked where we were during 9/11 again. i always found that a silly question, why do you want to make people relive that? plus, there's gonna be people out there born after the day, lol. i do remember where i was though. i was in the hospital and i was wondering why everyone was freaking out over the tv. i was in the hospital a lot as a kid actually. apparently i was really clumsy and hurt myself a lot? my childhood is really fucking blurry. a collection of vignettes. a lot of which being set in a hospital bed, bandages around my arms or forehead or wherever else. i'd ask my family about it, but i don't think they'd wanna talk about it. i get why, it must suck to have your kid be in the hospital all the time. but whatever, it's not like i'll be back in that musty bed anytime soon.

theres a new girl at my school.

 take a wild guess on what this post is about!!! yeah, so in my homeroom class, they introduced a new girl in there. apparently she came in all the way from michigan! she sat near me, i introduced myself, she ever-so-enthusiastically introduced herself back, and i just... i couldn't help but feel like i've seen her before. it was probably deja vu, but the way she looked at me... i couldn't help but feel like she shared the same familiarity. i think i saw some more of those eyes behind her. sigh. i'm already tired of this. how am i supposed to act like nothing is wrong? how am i supposed to ignore what's in the corner of my eyes? whatever. bye

i fucking hate chain emails

can't believe i have to clarify this; DON'T START CREEPYPASTA SHIT IN MY EMAILS?? right now, as i type this, someone's been sending me NON-STOP shit about how i'm "repeating history" and how i'm a "prophet" or whatever and like. do you think i'm gonna be scared by that? i've been through worse! 

i feel like i'm being led on a wild goose chase with all of this and it's SO annoying. what's even the point? nostalgia?? i've been so disillusioned with EVERYTHING it's so tiring... but you and i both know  it's more than that. some greater purpose is lying in this stupid fucking website and i know it needs me, specifically, to uncover it. and i know i need it. for what is a archivist without something to... archive. i'll find it someday. i know i will. and then i can go back to living my actual life. 

back to school ig

 today's the day we usually go back to school, which i honestly don't get rn cause it's friday, but who cares. we didn't do much, just did the usual stuff that your teachers do on the first day, introductions and shit (even though we're juniors now...), the whole nine yards. i have photography as a elective which is nice i guess. it was just the same shit, but i couldn't shake off a feeling someone was breathing over my shoulder the whole time. freaky shit. i'm so, so tired though, so i'm just happy to spend the rest of the weekend slumped on my bed... and doing my work ofc. not much to say today, but i'm sure you can fill in the blanks, right?