in a sense this is all kind of funny

 it's april fools, the one day where jokes, japes, and jests are fully encouraged. i remember when i was younger i used to love the holiday. i can't really find it in myself to care anymore though. 

my friend pranked me today though. she told me to come back behind the school and she just started going on this jokey existential rant about worms or something. it was stupid. but she seemed so happy and so eager when she finally got the april fools prank on me, y'know? she's wonderful. i don't know why she even bothers with me. she deserves better.

the musical's run ended. i dropped out of tech rather early tbh, so i never got to see it all to fruition, but it seems really good. i forgot to come, which im sure bummed my friend out, but... she doesn't deserve me. if i don't need her, she shouldn't have me. she's wonderful she's beautiful she's the best person i've ever met in the whole wide world. and what am i? some loser who spends all day in her room. i don't deserve her and by god she doesn't deserve me... sigh... she's been calling me a lot.

also it's teto's birthday. wooo

sorry 4 waxing poetic abt this bs lmao ^^'

 i kind of feel like i only exist within this site. like im just a bunch of words written up by somebody else. or computer code. i don't know why i feel this way. i still technically have a presence in this world. i go to school i (rarely) talk to my friend... i don't know man. it's like something's been clouding my brain as of late. or maybe it's always been there. i've been noticing my eyes look a bit purple...... i dunno why. 

i've been pushing a bit away from my friend as of late. i love her and care about her and all that but i feel like we're just burdens to one another. i'm a burden on her, she doesn't deserve my bullshit, and she's a burden on me, she's stopping me from what i was... i don't know dude but it feels like... i was born for the sites? maybe i'm going crazy. that's what happens when you spend your days holed up in your room in front of a screen ig. i just can't handle anywhere outside school. i can't help but notice that something is watching me yknow? sigh. im tired..... i kind of regret dropping out of the play.

i think someone's out to get me

so at school today something was just. off. i can't tell what, but i couldn't shake off the feeling that i was being... watched. there's been a lot of strange shit as of late tbh. my classmates have been looking at me weird lately and my head's been killing me. i swear in crowds i can see strange figures looking DIRECTLY at me. did i uncover something??? what's going on????????? i've been having the dreams again too. it's always the same shit, gore, violence, bloodshed. it's like something is fucking with me. i don't get it man. i don't think of myself as an interesting person, yknow? i started this blog just to fill the fucking time, which says a lot about my personality i feel. is someone watching me through the computer screen? are you watching me? hello?

god my head's killing me. i don't even know who i'm looking at in the mirror half the time. i'm deteriorating. i'm like that bitch in the yellow wallpaper. i need to sleep.

my fuckibg heaaaddddddd....

oh my god it's so late. its like 5 holy shit. my brain's been so scrambled as of late honestly, i keep finding these long stretches of time that i just can't remember. i could be at my computer going through emails and i then black out and it's the next day and i'm staring at an image i have saved on my computer of blinky. ave's seems to be really concerned about me too, she keeps trying to call me, but i keep sending her to voicemail.... i don't deserve her and her help honestly, i'm too pathetic for that.

she really deserves someone else, doesn't she? i love her so much, and she's so much more worthy of someone else. why me? why did she choose me of all people to be her friend or whatever? look at me! all i'm useful for is this site. isgh. im tired. im gonna sleep

lol im like human garbage

 my memory's gotten REALLY bad lately i just realized. like. i cant really remember any of the past couple of weeks bad. i dont know if thats normal. i dont know if any of this is normal. i've been impulsively scratching my skin to get the eyes under it out but i KNOW nothing is under there. everytime i turn this fucking screen on i feel like my mind goes blank. i have a lot of voicemails. my friend's worried about me. sometimes i wish she could stop worrying. sometimes i wish she would let me go and let me become one with the wires and motherboards. but i also want to be saved, isn't that funny? i've known her for years yknow. and throughout those years she proved herself as kind courageous honorable... she's everything im not. she's so better than me in every way why would she willingly hang out with me. i don't get it. i dont get her. she's like perfection and im just. what am i? like really in the end of things. what if im just lines on a page words on a screen. no no no no thats not the case sabie get a fucking grip. man i need a therapist

weirdly sexist sister site and rumors

finally giving an update on the drowsytown games stuff!!! this post is mainly about 2 things, and since this post is written prtty late i'll probably update the page tomorrow. ANYWAYS there's two main things for this one, a sister site and the slew of urban legends and rumors surrounding the site.

#1. starkidgames.com, this one was brought to my attention by notsoangryjohnny so thanks to him for that!!! the site is another flash game site, mainly being geared towards women. there's three characters in there i think, linda, melissa, and maria. i've spent a good amount of time looking through the site (though my memory on what exactly i DO in front of a screen has been getting worse as of late... for some reason) and it's... well it's something. the thing's been dyed red so much it hurts my fucking eyes. i wasn't joking about the misogyny by the way it's BAD. like BAD BAD. we aren't here to talk about the politics of a girlsgogames clone though; we're here to talk about it's relation to DTG. sooooo. the characters in drowsytown games cameo a LOT in this one. there's a billboard in the background of one of the games with pokey on it and all three of the girls have a plushie of them in their rooms. honestly it's actually kind of weird that there ARE cameos considering the fact that uh. drowsytown games is made by uncle wiley's games, while starkidgames is listed as being under "starry children co". i'd guess they're different branches of the same company or something but still kinda weird to have two branches for two websites. and on "starry children co"...

#2 there are a LOT of rumors surrounding these games for some reason. like a LOT. idk who's so deadset on putting this site's name in a snopes article but by GOD they're trying. i've seen it all. cults, experiments, eldritch horrors, mind control! it's so fucking weird. i can't even look up either of those two company's names without hearing some shit about elder gods and cults. apparently the starry children was the name of a cult that worshipped 5 gods with the mentality of an infant and got massacred in the 80s by another, unrelated cult. Yeah. i don't believe in any of these rumors, they're all obvious bullshit some 13 year old made as a creepypasta. but it's still valuable information to know the public perception of the thing or whatever the fuck. still a roadblock but it's ok. i guess.

i don't think i should've worked that much tbh

 ok so when i was a kid i used to hang out a lot in our local library. lovely place, there's some rumors that the place was cursed by cultists but honestly the place never gave me those "cursed" vibes. well except for one time. so i was staying especially late that day, my mom was especially bad that day so i needed an excuse to get out of the house, and the librarians decided to let me stay - though they did make me sort their books and shit. let me set the scene, it's around 10PM on a friday, i am 10, and i am extraordinarily tired and bored. i've been doing nothing but carry around books for the past 5 hours. it's become kind of mind numbing. suddenly, i hear a loud noise coming from the history section, the one i JUST finished. i go in to investigate. despite the clear sounds of a struggle and some speaking in tongues or whatever, all i see is a burnt patch on the ground and a visibly exhausted woman. i don't actually remember anything about her, just that she was kind to me and patted me on the forehead before leaving. i guess it must've been my overactive imagination? i still wonder if it was real though... wouldn't be the weirdest thing that's happened all day.